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Tarbiyah Of Kids Online

Tarbiyah in Islam is very important, for indeed all of the Deen is based upon tarbiyah (i.e. the education and upbringing of the people).

This starts first of all with the education and training of our own selves, then of our families, and then of the community at large. But this tarbiyah is most important with respect to our children, so that they are brought up upon the correct path of
Islam. Because of this, many of the scholars take care in discussing this aspect of tarbiyah more so than the others.

Benefits of Tarbiyah children

After the benefit of Islam and our very creation, from the best of benefits is that of having children. We see their
benefits both in this world and after we have passed to the next.

The benefits of Tarbiyah kids in this world

As for the benefits in this world – when a person becomes old and unable to earn a livelihood, all of his friends and companions leave him alone and it is his children who look after and care for him, bearing his problems and burdens.

benefits of Tarbiyah kids after death

As for after his death, then a person benefits from his children as the Prophet said: “When the son of Adam passes away, all of
his deeds are stopped except for three. Some kind of charity that is continuous, or knowledge which the people are benefiting from, or a
righteous child who is praying for him.”

benefits of Tarbiyah daughters

 

Also from the benefits of having children is that if one has daughters and is patient with them, bringing them up correctly, then
for him is a great reward from Allah. Our mother Aa’ishah said, “A woman with two daughters and who was very poor came to my door requesting charity. All I had was
three dates, so I gave them to this woman and her two daughters. The woman gave a date to each of her daughters and kept the third date for herself. But when the two daughters had finished their dates, they both looked up to their mother wanting the date which she had.

So she felt mercy for her two daughters and split the date into two halves, she gave a half to each of her daughters and then she went away. When the Prophet came back I informed him about what had happened. He said, ‘Anyone who has daughters and is good in bringing hem up, then they will be as a barrier between him and the Hell-Fire’.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

parents have a resposibility to Tarbiyah their children

It is obligatory for the parents to take care of their children as the responsibility for them is upon their shoulders. As the Prophet said, “All of you are shepherds and will

are responsible for his flock.

Who do not Tarbiyah their children properly

” Unfortunately, many of the people look down upon this affair of bringing up the children correctly and consider it as a small matter and unimportant, instead busying themselves which affairs such as politics and those things which it may be beyond their ability to reach. They look to those things which are seen as

more important and so look down upon the affair of raising their children correctly. In this, they are mistaken, as whoever the Imam or the leader of the believers may be, even if he was the most righteous of all righteous people and the most just of all rulers, if a person does not take care of their own affairs then no-one else is going to come into their house and look after their children for them. And if this Imam was the worst of all the people, yet a person was to take care of their own family as is his
responsibility, then how is his harm and his condition going to affect that person? Allah says,

“Verily! Allah will not change the good condition of a people as long
as they do not change their state of goodness themselves.” [Qur’an Ra’d
13:11]

So it is upon us to change our own condition and the condition of our own families, and then to look to the condition of our communities and
the community of the Muslims at large. For if we were to neglect this responsibility then we would never achieve the correct tarbiyah –
training, upbringing and education – of our societies.

Indeed the Book of Allah (Qur’an) and the Sunnah of the Prophet encourage us to bring up our children correctly; ordering us with
righteousness and good conduct ourselves as well as ordering us to prevent our families from falling into that which would result in their
own destruction. As Allah says,

“O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones.” [Qur’an Tahrim 66:6]

And He says,

“And enjoin Prayer on your family, and be patient in offering them (i.e. the Prayers).” [Qur’an Ta-Ha 20:132]

The Prophet said, “Order your children with Salah when they are seven years old, and beat them upon it (i.e. force them to do so by hitting them) when they are ten years old, and (also) separate them in their sleeping place.” So by the preceding Ayat and hadeeth, Allah and the Prophet teach the believers about the importance of Salah and worship, and also in the hadeeth the Prophet is teaching his Ummah about how to live this life free from all types of doubts and misconceptions, by
avoiding those places and situations where such doubts and misconceptions may arise. So the order is that one should raise one’s
children upon the most blessed and praiseworthy of characteristics. So what follows are some practical steps in bringing up the family correctly.

Seeking Righteous Children

When an individual wants to get married, they should have the
intention to have – and ask Allah to give them – righteous children.
They should be patient upon this and seek their children with the
correct intention i.e. to increase the number of the Prophet’s Ummah,
and seek Allah’s reward in this life and the Hereafter by way of his
children. As the Prophet said, “Marry those women who are loving and
fertile, for verily I want to be amongst those (Prophets) who have the
most followers on the Day of Judgement.”

So when a person gets married he should seek children with the
intention to have many children which will go towards making up the
Ummah of the Prophet and that these children may become righteous slaves
of Allah so that he may benefit from them in this world and the
Hereafter. This is because the intention has a special and important
place with regard to the outcome, as the Prophet said, “Verily, every
action is by its intention.” So if one has the correct intention at the
beginning of the action, then he has its correct fruits at the end.

Setting A Good Example

The parent should be a good and the best example for their children.
They should hasten to do all good and, likewise, hasten to leave all
evil. This is because children follow the example of their parents as
they love them and respect and admire them. So the parents are the
greatest of all examples for their children. Therefore, whatever the
parents are upon, the children follow them. It is not possible, however
one may try, to hide one’s evil characteristics from their children.

A person may go into his home, closing the door behind them, but it
is the children who know the reality of their affairs. They know how
their character truly is, what they watch and what they see, and they
know their situation perfectly. So we should try and be good examples to
our children; having the best characteristics, being good towards the
people, and remaining upright in our Deen.

Placing Importance Upon The Deen

he parent should make the most important affair in his life and that
of his child the Religion. They should raise their child to know that
the most important aspect of his life is that he be upright in his Deen,
correcting it and clinging to it firmly. Allah said,

“And this (submission to Allah, Islam) was enjoined by Ibrahem upon
his sons and by Ya’qoob (as), (saying), ‘O my sons! Allah has chosen for
you the (true) Religion, then die not except in the Faith of Islam.”
[Qur’an Baqarah 2:132]

And He says,

“And he made it (i.e. Laa ilaha illAllah – none has the right to be
worshipped but Allah Alone) a Word lasting among his offspring (True
Monotheism), that they may turn back (i.e. repent to Allah or receive
admonition).” [Qur’an Zukhruf 43:28]

So this should be our greatest concern with regard to our children,
that we make clear to them the importance of their Religion and their
being upright. We should not be concerned with their Dunya i.e. that
they bring home food or drink or wealth, rather we should be most
concerned with their remaining upright Muslims. After this, the believer
should make du’a to Allah and supplicate to Him that He guide his
children and make them upright, for indeed there is no power nor
strength except in Allah. No one has the ability to guide his children
himself, or to keep them upon the straight path, rather this is in the
Hands of Allah. So one should make du’a to Allah as His prophets did
before. Allah says that the believers say,

“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be
the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqoon (i.e.
pious and righteous persons who fear Allah much [abstain from all kinds
of sins and evil deeds which He has forbidden] and love Allah much
[perform all kinds of good deeds which He has ordained]).” [Qur’an
Furqan 25:74]

And also Prophet Ibrahem (as) mentioned in a long du’a,

“O my Lord! Make me one who offers prayers perfectly, and (also) from
my offspring, our Lord! And accept my invocation.” [Qur’an Ibrahim
14:40]

So we should follow this example of the prophets in making du’a to
Allah and taking the necessary steps in educating and bringing up our
children upon this Deen, and asking Allah to keep them upright in their
Religion. The Ayah which was previously mentioned is general for all of
the believers. That is, that when one reaches the age of 40 he should
make du’a for his parents and that Allah should keep him upon the
Guidance, and he also makes du’a that Allah keeps his children upright
and correct their affairs.

Showing Love & Kindness Towards One’s Children

The parent should control his affair with love, kindness and
softness, and should not always use harshness and beating to bring up
his children. Rather, he should make his way to be primarily a loving
and concerned way. However, if the situation requires that he should
also use harshness and hardness and even hitting his children, then he
should do so as and when the situation requires it, but he should not
make this his way i.e. that he is always hard and harsh towards his
children.

We should not be like those people who are always hard upon their
children as this may lead them towards further corruption and going
astray. Neither should we be like many of the Europeans are i.e. that
they leave their children without any discipline so that they follow
whatever way they like and do whatever they like. Rather we should take
the middle course (balanced), sometimes using harshness and sometimes
softness, according to the situation. We should always try to exercise
balance in raising our children, balancing their affairs correctly and
making the uppermost characteristic that of kindness, softness and
mercy.

Teaching Good Character

The parent should raise his children upon good character from a young
age. He should teach them the Qur’an, the Seerah of the Prophet and
that of the Companions also (ra). One should not leave his children to
continue making mistakes saying that he will correct them when they get
older, because indeed it becomes increasingly more difficult to correct a
person when he has grown up upon incorrect actions and bad
characteristics.

As a poet said, “Whoever grows up upon something, he grows old upon
that same thing.” So we should teach our children from a young age the
correct Aqeedah and belief, for example that Allah is above His Throne,
and we should teach them love for the Prophet and his Companions (ra).
We should also teach them aspects of good character, like being
courageous, kind, generous and modest etc. Then if one of our children
makes a mistake, we should point out this mistake to them and explain
that the action is wrong, not leaving them and saying ‘they are just
children’ or that we will tell them when they grow older.

This is because of the saying, “Whoever grows up upon something, he
grows old upon that that same thing.” And from the guidance of the
Prophet is that he used to train and bring up the children from a young
age upon good manners and character. As can be seen in the hadeeth of
Hasan , in which he narrates how he once took a date from the dates of
Sadaqa, and the Prophet shouted at him and told him to take the date out
of his mouth. The Prophet explained to him that the dates were for
Sadaqa, and that Sadaqa was not allowed for the Prophet or his family.

So the Prophet did not leave Hasan alone, rather he reprimanded him
for what he did and explained to him the correct way, using intelligence
and Hikmah. Likewise in the hadith of the son of Umm Salamah, who
narrated that he used to stay in the house of the Prophet , and that he
used to eat in an incorrect way i.e. from everywhere in the plate. So
the Prophet said to him, “O boy! Mention Allah’s Name i.e. say
‘Bismillah’, eat with your right hand and eat that which is in front of
you. So this Sahabah went on to narrate that he continued to practise
this etiquette of eating until that day (i.e. until he had become
older). This shows that the Prophet would correct the children by
pointing out their mistakes, and also he did so in such a way that they
would continue upon the correct way which he had taught them until they
became older.

Exercising Justice With Regard To One’s Children

The parent should not oppress or wrong any of his children. He should
not show one of his children due favour more so than the other, by
giving him more than his other children or praising him more than any of
the others. Indeed this type of oppression and favouritism can be a
reason for the children swaying from the correct path and developing
personal problems later on in life.

The Prophet said, “Fear Allah and be just with regard to your
children.” Indeed, being just can positively affect the children’s
tarbiyah, just as being unjust can have negative affects upon their
tarbiyah. Of these negative effects is that the child may feel that if
he cannot find justice with his own parents, then who can he find
justice with? And he may carry this problem and this feeling in his
heart all of his life.

Spending Upon One’s Children

The parents, both the mother and the father, should spend upon their
children. They should take the necessary steps to earn money and spend
upon their children correctly. Indeed, anything, which one spends upon
his family with the correct intention, will have a reward for it. As in
the hadeeth of Sa’d ibn Ma’aadh , who narrated that the Prophet said,
“There is nothing that you spend upon your families, even the food that
you put into the mouth of your wife, except that you will get a reward
for it.”

Also there is a hadeeth which is collected by Muslim, which states
the importance of spending upon the family and that it is the best of
all actions with which one draws nearer to Allah . In this hadeeth the
Prophet said, “Two dinaars which you spend in the way of Allah, or two
dinaars which you spend by way of sadaqah (charity), or two dinaars
which you give to the miskeen (poor), or the two dinaars which you give
to your family – with which of these is the greatest reward? Indeed the
greatest of these as regards reward is that dinaar which you spend upon
your family.”

So, in conclusion, everyone should take care of his family, for if it
were the case that everyone in society were to take care of the
upbringing of their families and their financial needs, then this would
be good for the society as a whole. And if everyone were to leave the
affairs of their families and their children, then this would lead to
the corruption of the society and poverty would be widespread. By
spending upon our families and taking care of their tarbiyah, this is
how we train them and help them to remain upright upon this Deen of
Al-Islam.